Inside Emotions and Notes from the 2013 Tranz Fresno Pageant

Friday Feb. 15, 2013 11;15 AM

by Michelle Nastasis

 - As you might have guessed, my nerves are shot. There are SO many questions and thoughts running through my head. All of the possible 'what if' questions are there and swirling around. I'm so afraid of failing and making an ass of myself. I feel like I'm carrying a lot of hopes and dreams of the MTF community here in Fresno. I can't wait for this to be over. 

 - As usual with any pageant, there was a HUGE last minute problem with my gown. I just found out that it's NOT going to be ready on time. Now what?? Maybe I should wear my long blue dress instead (note: I ended up wearing it for the evening wear competition)

- My hands are shaking so hard that I could thread a MOVING sewing machine and writing is so difficult. Breathing is even difficult too.

- I still have a ton of last minute details to go over as well. How do I want my hair to be styled, etc.?

- Sleep is NOT forthcoming tonight, even with taking a sleeping pill. Tomorrow is going to be a VERY long day.

Saturday Feb. 16, 2013 Noon

- And so it begins.

- Dresses out - check

- Shoes out and cleaned - check

- Makeup packed - check

- Hair supplies packed - check

- Nerves still shot to hell - BIG TIME 

- My voice and throat are scratchy to start the day. Not a good thing. More pressure to an already nervous situation.

- 12:30. Coffee. Trying to use caffeine to calm down. Yeah, I know....it goes against the grain. I'm also making sweet tea and a salt water gargle in case my throat still hurts. 

- Note to self: get the nails re-touched BEFORE show time. 5 PM or so works, I think. 

- 2:45. I'm STILL extremely nervous. What in the hell was I thinking when I said yes to competing???

- 2:55. I just did a vocal run through. Morning scratchiness is gone - FOR NOW....

- 3:20. Time is absolutely crawling by. Bored. Double checked my duffel bag and all seems in order. Poor Lisa. She's a real saint. I must be driving her NUTS.

- 4:15. Elisia arrived. I didn't realize how much stuff we were packing. It took 5 trips from our place to the car to get everything in.

- 5:00. Now the nerves REALLY get to kicking. Rachel B. meets us at the door and shows us our dressing area. Now I'm wondering where Leah is. She calls and shes big time lost - IN CLOVIS, no less. Lisa fires up her computer and to help keep me calm we put country music on it and crank it up to max volume.

- 5:20. Leah arrives and we begin the process of fixing my hair. It just dawned on me how much time THIS is going to take. Lisa 'donates' her wig to another T-girl (Emily) who is making her 1st public appearance tonight. SHE'S more nervous than I am. The entire room smells of hair spray, mousse and perfume.

- 6:05. Lisa starts doing a re-coat of my nails. Instead of my usual RED, for the pageant they're SILVER.

- 7:15. All of my guests are here. YEA!!!! The auditorium is really getting full and there's a great deal of energy in the back AND in the hall. I take a few minutes to TRY and eat (3 bites and I'm full). All of my guests (Carol S., Elisia W., Lisa W., Kim C., Billie H. (From Metro Behavioral Health), Martin (another friend from Behavioral Health), Laura L. (still another friend from Behavioral Health), Leon V. and my hairdresser, Leah L.) are at one table!!! I also saw my doctor (and one of the judges), Dr. Jennifer Burnett as well. 

- 7:57. Almost show time. First up is ME for day wear and the judges Questions and Answer Session. Leon V. is taking tons of pictures for the article HES writing for the http://www.gaycentralvalleyblog.com/. Thank you Leon for the great pictures!!!!

- 8:05. Time to go. Paris Nicole pulls me aside and gives me a final word of advice - "stop, breathe and walk". (Thanks Paris, THAT helped)

- 10:27. Please dear God don't let me screw THIS song up. I'm announced and walk out on stage. Music starts. I nailed it. My timing and tempo were spot on!!!

- 10:45. All of the contestants are called on stage one final time. Before the 2 winners are announced, the contestants as a whole decide to make a statement about our mutual dislike for BULLYING. (It has to stop - NOW!!!!)

- 10:51. Maxi Grant (Empress 39 of The Imperial Dove Court de Fresno/Madera) announces "The 2013 Ms. Trans Fresno is......Michelle Nastasis". My cheering section AND the sold out crowd go NUTS!!!! 

- 10:53. Maxi Grant announces several other awards, then announces that my dear friend - Reese R. - has won the 2013 Mr. Trans Fresno title and the crowd goes nuts - AGAIN!!!!

I wish to thank ALL those who showed up for this first of its kind pageant and of course, Maxi, Patsy and the ENTIRE IDC for including us (the trans community) into your family.

you can reach the author at: uhcougarinsc2@gmail.com